“It’s Complicated.”

“It’s Complicated”

That was my whole night yesterday. On the beach, staring at the clear ocean, listening to the seagulls and trains pass by. The four of us sat and talked - and was it great. My cousins and I just talked about everything. All honesty, and everything just out. And it really opened by mind up - the different views we have and the things that I need to learn. 

Especially about love.

I always thought, I loved my boyfriend of 4 years. But my cousins forced me to think about something. Why did I not try a long distance relationship with him? 

I didn’t know how to answer them - my answers were all just excuses. Like what my cousin said “if you love a person, you’ll have the confidence and faith that it work out. I trust him”  I guess I didn’t have that faith between us. I didn’t love him enough to even try. I knew he wanted to, but I flat out told him it wouldn’t work. But how would I know if I didn’t even try?

Fear? Worry? Or was it because I didn’t see that future with him? Maybe my cousin was right - we weren’t really “lovers” but more I cared for him in a good friend level. Or maybe, I liked him but not enough to go further with this ‘like.’ It left me wondering a lot of things, feel a lot of things. I guess, I’ll just let time and fate bring me to where it wants me to be. To the person that I can truly love and do anything for.

But the whole conversation last night really made me think and rethink a lot of things.

And made me realize the importance of family. I never had a real family, but I do have a family within my cousins.

I love them :)