Emotions is what makes us human.

I’m listening to “Never Let Me Go” - Florence and the Machines from the TVD soundtrack, in other words, the song from the epic Damon-Elena kiss. 

But you know what? You realize that, above this love triangle, this normal girl-vampire boy love story is much more.

The Vampire Diaries is about LOVE. Not just love between a man and a woman, but LOVE. Love between family, love in friendship, love in all the proportions that exist.

It’s that simple. Love.

Each character in TVD strive for love, to find love, to protect it or to replace it.

And that’s why The Vampire Diaries is so special to me.

It’s not another teenage drama vampire love story.

It’s a story that reminds us that love is what we need, all we need to survive this life. 

When one says they watch TVD for a living, people laugh, complain - “it’s a chick flick”, “so twilight”.

It’s. not. Twilight.

If one takes the time to watch it closely, one will realize the story of each character and how we connect to those characters, how we breathe their emotions. TVD is so much more complex than Twilight. 

TVD is a story with complexities, layers, and themes that one cannot figure out with just one watch. TVD is a show that I find solace in, I find peace in. Maybe because it reminds me that love is something special, it is something we can never lose. No matter what kind of love we strive for in this life, we can never lose that want and search for love.

Cause love is what makes us care, cause emotions is what makes us humans.

It reminds us that everyone is human (even vampires) and that we need to feel to be human, we need to love to be real.

Don’t ever shut that off. Don’t ever not feel.

And whatever happens tonight, whoever Elena is gonna choose, whoever is gonna die today - I will feel each and every bit of what the characters feel cause TVD has grown on me in that such of a way.

It is part of me now, and like it or not, it’s not leaving

Once again, why I love the Vampire Diaries.

TVD allows me to feel so many emotions in just one episode. Heartbreak, anger, suspense, love, friendship - all within an hour. 

It’s not just another Twlight rip off TV show.
TVD is not just another show of two vampire brothers and an ordinary girl.

It is a show that prove to me every episode that “emotions is what makes us human”. Every emotion we feel is what gives us the feelings to live everyday life, to feel and live within each character and to love and cherish those around us in this overwhelming world.

That’s what The Vampire Diaries is to me.

It is a reminder that what I feel everyday, the emotions that I hate and the feelings that I love are…normal.

It makes who I am and I should not run away from it. 

A Moment I Want to Take Away…

and erase it all together, so that I don’t have to feel this way right now. A time in place in where I could reverse the actions done, change the things that happened so I don’t need to think about it. 

I’ve been trying to run away from the problem since it happened today. Going to bed, listening to music - anything to keep my mind off the issue, but I know I have to face it. Where does one person go when a moment changes a friendship, when an action completely changes the relationships between two people. Where do you go?

I’ve been trying to answer that question this whole day. I’ve been trying to find a way to place my emotions every waking moment and I still don’t have an answer.

My mind is confused, my heart torn. I know I don’t feel that way about him. After what happened today, I know THAT IS FOR SURE. But everything else? I’m not sure anymore. I care about him and I don’t want this friendship to just tear apart. I want to protect it, but right now I just don’t know what to think.

I’m not the type of person to just forget something that happened. I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen, once something happens, it happened. We can’t run away from it and I guess that’s what makes this harder for me than you. You can just pretend that it never occurred, but I can’t.

I just keep thinking back to it. I just keep feeling the same emotions I felt at those moments. They were wonderful, but they were different. I knew from the start we didn’t have that…fire. That passion. That love. 

But I know that every moment is given to us for a reason. Every memory is given to us with a definition. God planned for this to happen, but what does this plan of His mean? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

I. Just. Don’t. Know.

So I’m a bit tipsy but…

I am going to write this anyways. Drank some alcohol and now I feel like falling asleep - my tolerance is horrible, but I like alcohol. It keeps me from thinking about stuff, it let’s me just forget about my worries for just a moment. But when I drink, I tend to still be sober enough to realize the effects of the actions from the people around me.

Sometimes actions can say more than words, and sometimes words may not match the actions one take. Love is a funny thing, it’s easy to fall in love with a person, but it is harder to “unfall” in love with that person. To be able to let go of a person is hard, but that doesn’t mean that you have the right to toy with the feelings of another. I am fine with people using me, I mean, I know you are using me for certain reasons, but I am willing to be used cause I care for you. But I can’t stand a person using and misleading a person’s feelings for the aspect of “comfort.” 

“Comfort” is not from another person. “Comfort” can only be found within oneself. Seeking comfort from another when you don’t feel the same way as the person feels for you is not right. Telling that person that you are “just friends” but then going around and giving that person missed signals is not the right way to get over your past lover.

No matter how much I care for you - that is not the right way to handle a relationship and a feeling. Emotions are hard, but there are others ways to tackle it. And “pretending a relationship” is not the right way to go.

I am sorry, but it really bothers me cause I care for both of them and I don’t want either of them getting hurt in the process.

This Second, This Moment and No Other.

I move in tomorrow, well, technically I moved in today - we were looking around on campus and the security guard kindly enough let me move in earlier which means - I DON’T have to be moving in during the rush. Which is great news. I can’t believe it’s already time, time for the start I’ve always been waiting for. The day of freedom I’ve yearned for these 18 years. Away from my parents, away from the abuse, away from the memories, and ultimately, freeing myself slowly away from the hatred within me. 

It’s amazing how fast time flies, how the days past by. How the emotions of life can really past by you. Life is like a time capsule where we can put all the emotions and problems hidden within our hearts and just let life pass us by. Or where we can take all those hidden emotions out of our hearts and face them. It’s just that. And it’s our choice.

“It’s Complicated.”

“It’s Complicated”

That was my whole night yesterday. On the beach, staring at the clear ocean, listening to the seagulls and trains pass by. The four of us sat and talked - and was it great. My cousins and I just talked about everything. All honesty, and everything just out. And it really opened by mind up - the different views we have and the things that I need to learn. 

Especially about love.

I always thought, I loved my boyfriend of 4 years. But my cousins forced me to think about something. Why did I not try a long distance relationship with him? 

I didn’t know how to answer them - my answers were all just excuses. Like what my cousin said “if you love a person, you’ll have the confidence and faith that it work out. I trust him”  I guess I didn’t have that faith between us. I didn’t love him enough to even try. I knew he wanted to, but I flat out told him it wouldn’t work. But how would I know if I didn’t even try?

Fear? Worry? Or was it because I didn’t see that future with him? Maybe my cousin was right - we weren’t really “lovers” but more I cared for him in a good friend level. Or maybe, I liked him but not enough to go further with this ‘like.’ It left me wondering a lot of things, feel a lot of things. I guess, I’ll just let time and fate bring me to where it wants me to be. To the person that I can truly love and do anything for.

But the whole conversation last night really made me think and rethink a lot of things.

And made me realize the importance of family. I never had a real family, but I do have a family within my cousins.

I love them :)

Day #1: Dear Best Friend…

How should I say this? Words don’t even spell out how much you mean to me, how special you are within my heart. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could be the person I am today, or even live this life I live right now. You taught me how to be strong, how to face life with different eyes, you forced me to see my flaws and allowed me to feel love - a thing I yearned to have since childhood. In a sense, you filled that void of loneliness within me and it’s because of you that I’m here today. 

I know sometimes we fight, other times we are pain in the asses to each other, but it is because of all these feelings that make the relationship we have today. I have to admit, sometimes, when you neglect me for your girlfriend - I do get mad. But not in the jealous type of way, but rather, I’m mad that someone else has to share you. That someone else is also needing your love and care and that that person deserves it as equally as me. I confess, I’ve been selfish cause I’ve always been so afraid of losing. Not losing to her, but losing to myself. All these years I’ve grown in an environment that has made me afraid of grasping onto something, cause I am too afraid to lose it. I’m afraid that once I have it, I won’t want to let it go and will be in fear of losing that certain thing. And to me, that certain thing was you and our friendship. I love you. I really do.

It’s hard to have a sincere relationship between a boy and a girl that does not mark a “sexual” relationship to others. But I say we were pretty successful. Even though there are still those “people” that believe our relationship is more than friendship - it’s true. You’re my confidant. You know me and understand me without even asking, you know my emotions, my temper and, most importantly, you know my heart. It’s hard to have those kind of emotions and relationship with a guy, and I’m happy to have that type of relationship with you. 

Now that we will be going our separate ways - I know both of us will be following our dreams and wherever you go, I’ll always be with you in spirit. I know that the friendship we have built together will never tumble, I know that our love for each other will always be strong and I am confident that fate will bring us together one day and we will look back at all these moments and laugh together. 

Thank you for saving me, saving me from myself.

I love you, and let’s work hard these next 4 years and we’ll keep in touch.

Tons of love,

Viva-La-Vita